I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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