when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
