those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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