I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
