Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
