i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
