Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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