Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
