I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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