question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
