You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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