Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
