I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
