i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I still have a little drunk in my system
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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