I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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