oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
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