When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
