The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
