I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
