Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
