loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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