im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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