maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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