dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just gift wrapped bread.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
