his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
