i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
