I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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