hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
