Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
