I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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