sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Who died my cat blue again?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
