I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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