During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
where are my eyebrows?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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