i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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