The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize