I could have mohawked her pubes.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
