ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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