you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
