White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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