party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
this boner is exhausting
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
