I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
