I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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