so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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