I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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