I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
