Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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