what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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