forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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