woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
