you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
