you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize