I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
