I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
