Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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