I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
