don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
