Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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