Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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