don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
