I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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