so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
