great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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