remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
