Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
