I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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