ugly people sure do ruin things
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
